you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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