Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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