at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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