i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
