we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
