All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
