There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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