come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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