yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
