bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
