the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
