i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
