found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
