: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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