I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
