I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
