yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
