i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
