i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
