It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
