so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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