Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
