are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found your dick twin last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
