I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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