Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
