Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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