my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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