Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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