guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
