Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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