Nicole vs. Life
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
