I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
