Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
