don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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