I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
