I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
