Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
