can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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