The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
