at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
