I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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