Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
