so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
