i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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