new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
