i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
