i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
