i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
