There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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