no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
