bring money and cleavage
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
