Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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