the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
